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It started when I noticed my sleep was no longer restful. I’d wake up feeling like I’d already been active for hours. Then came the reaction distortions — I’d begin to turn my head before deciding to. I don’t mean zoning out. I mean my muscles acting before my will. That alone was disturbing. But the real shift began with speech. Or thought-speech.
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I’ve started missing words when I speak. Mid-sentence gaps. Not laziness — erasure. My handwriting has changed. I look at old notebooks and barely recognize it. Memory slices out pieces I used to rely on. Emotional reactions don’t align with what’s happening around me. The other day I felt like crying because someone asked what time it was.
I can’t say this out loud. I’m not even sure if writing it is safe. But if I don’t — then there really is nothing left of me.
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